Morbidly Obese

My name is Diane H. I am 25 years old and I have, over a period of many years become what doctors commonly refer to as "morbidly obese." The words resonate in my head like a terrible nightmare I can never wake up from, like a monstrous lie in the face of one of my many delusions; People will accept me as I am.

This is not true. For years, my obesity has kept people from seeing who I truly am. I have always felt that people were judging me based on my outward, physical appearance, and as a result of this judgement, I don't go on many dates. Most people only see what I carry on the outside, which is now, over 100 pounds of excess body weight. Nobody sees the fact that I am a real person underneath all this fat. A real person with real a real soul, feelings, dreams, fears and hopes for the future.

I find it rather sad, that at 25 years old, I have never been in a relationship that lasted longer than 4 months, and even then, that was over 10 years ago. I have always felt that if people gave me a chance, if I could share my life with another human being, then things wouldn't be as bad.

Those are lies that I must quickly dispel. The New Year is fast approaching and this year, my biggest new years resolution is to accept myself and love myself exactly as I am because I always put conditions on my love for myself, such as, I will love myself once I lose X amount of pounds, I will love myself when so and so loves me, etc. This year, I will accept everything about me that others find so aesthetically unpleasing.

I guess now would be a good time to mention that on New Years day, It will be 4 months since I had Lap Band surgery and have lost 40 pounds since that time, going from 273 pounds to 233 pounds.

I am creating this blog to talk about the challenges I face on my journey to the center of Diane, my journey towards weight loss, Self esteem and good health.

"It's been a long December and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last." The Counting Crows,

Yes, 2010 will be my year to truy shine, come out of my shell, put my dancing shoes on and let my hair down in the most literal sense of the word rhat I can imagine.

To become the mother and daughter I set out to be a long time ago. To find out who I really am and what I am really made of.

This is my journey. Over and Out.
Diane Herrera